


Faces too blurry to make out

by MercyBuckets



Series: TFA drabbles [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Handwaving, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Nightmares, Past Torture, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:21:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5488592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyBuckets/pseuds/MercyBuckets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey doesn't sleep. Poe wishes he wasn't sleeping. Finn stays awake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faces too blurry to make out

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in a nebulous after the movie once things have settled into some sort of equilibrium. Rey is traveling back and forth between the island with Luke and the rebel base as she trains in her force abilities. It can be read as gen or pre-ot3 depending on how you feel about that and how touchy feely you think friends get. This is unbetaed so be gentle. 
> 
> The title is from "Idylls Of The King" by the Mountain Goats

The first thing Rey is aware of when she wakes up is how sore she is from her training yesterday, the second is that something is wrong. The fogginess of sleep disappears almost immediately and she staggers to her feet. "Her" bunk is at the end of the hall and is really just an empty room for her to crash in when she's going back and forth between the rebel base and Luke's island. She steps into the hall and is immediately hit with a wave of nausea so strong that she has to stop for a moment to get a hold of herself. 

'Let the force guide you,' she tells herself in Luke's voice. 

She closes her eyes and reaches out toward the source of the wrongness, prodding it until she can get a better look. 

_Suddenly, she's pressed up against a wall with a hand around her neck and she can't breath past the pain-pain-pain that threatens to swallow her whole._

No that isn't right, she's on the floor, her stomach heaving but then - 

_"You failed because you're weak pilot," rasps a dark voice._

She knows that voice, hears it in her nightmares with hands that caress her face just to show that he can. 

_Her skin is too tight and her face is wet with tears that she can't control._

"Miss do you require assistance?" 

The question yanks her back into her body. She's on the floor in the hallway looking up at a protocol droid. Suddenly, she knows exactly who's in trouble. 

"No I'm fine," she says pushing herself up even as the world spins around her. 

The room that Poe shares with Finn is only one floor below hers and she isn't ashamed to admit that she uses the force jumping trick that Luke taught her to bypass the stairs and get there faster. 

She freezes outside the door for just a second, she can hear voices inside but she can't make out who it is or what they're saying, before she steels herself and tugs the door open. 

She wasn't sure what she was expecting but it wasn't the scene that greets her. Finn is seated on the edge of Poe's bed with his back to her, his scar faintly visible in the low light. Poe is breathing heavily, hunched over himself and a young woman Rey doesn't recognize has poked her head in from the adjoining room looking concerned. For a second no one notices her and everything holds as if suspended in time. 

Then Poe drags in another convulsive breath and Rey feels the force of his memories wash over her mixing with her own. Her knees hit the ground and everyone looks up sharply. 

"Rey," breathes Finn.

At the same time the girl asks, "Are you alright?"

Rey's tongue feels like sand.

Poe shoves Finn rather clumsily in Rey's direction and suddenly he's right there kneeling next to her.

"What's wrong Rey? When did you get back?" asks Finn.

He helps her to her feet and to the bed. She sits awkwardly trying not to curl into his touch. 

"Do you want me to get a medic?" asks the girl cocking her head to the side. 

Finn shakes his head. 

"I don't think so Karé. You don't need a medic right, Rey?" 

Rey nods in affirmation. The simple motion feels nearly impossible. 

Karé nods evidently satisfied. 

"Go back to bed Karé," says Poe speaking for the first time and surprising everyone. "Your mission flies at 0500."

Karé bites her lip before turning to go. 

"Get some sleep Captain," she says fondly on her way out. 

"Nightmares," Rey can hear her say before the door shuts with an oddly loud clunk. 

"So, What brings you to my bed tonight?" asks Poe with false bravado.

Rey shifts uncomfortably and as she does, she brushes Poe's knee with her own. 

_You have betrayed your precious resistance. How does it feel to know that every one of those deaths is on you?_

Rey moans curling in on herself as if that could block out the memories. 

"Rey!" Poe sounds alarmed.

"Maybe we should get a medic," says Finn.

"No," Rey has to force the words out of her mouth.

The boys look at her, hands hovering as if afraid to touch her. 

Rey bites her lip trying to think of a way to explain that won't make Poe blame himself even more. 

"It's the nightmares," she says at last. 

Finn's face falls and she could kick herself for not remembering that he still blames himself for her capture. 

Poe however is too smart for his own good. 

"They've gotten worse," he says sounding concerned. "They never caused you pain like this before."

Rey winces, she supposes that they'll have to find out at some point. 

"It's not just mine, it's everyone's."

The boys gape at her. 

"You have everyone's nightmares?" says Finn looking horrified. 

Rey is quick to correct him. 

"Yes and no, mostly I can block them out but even when I can't, it's usually not hard to recognize that they aren't mine because I haven't gone through same things."

"Except mine," says Poe.

Rey looks down. 

"That's why you're here right?" he continues. "My nightmares somehow hurt you?"

He sounds disgusted with himself. 

Rey hates herself for the way that her voice shakes. 

"They're just so vivid, he's right there and his hands are one me and I'm so terrified that I can't think at all."

Poe looks away from both of them. 

Finn who has been looking increasingly upset pulls Rey close in a tight hug. 

"I'm sorry I'm so fucked up," says Poe. "No wonder you don't ever stay here."

Rey shakes free of Finn long enough to give Poe a scathing look. 

"Don't you dare apologize, Poe Dameron," she hisses. "None of this is your fault. If anything, it's mine. If I was better at shielding, none of this would be a problem."

"Rey," says Poe.

"No she's right," interrupts Finn. "Let's play the blame game, if I had just gotten you out sooner, you never would have been tortured at all."

"Finn," says Rey.

"And if I had been faster, Rey wouldn't have been captured either," he continues.

"Finn, you broke your conditioning and saved me from a fate worse than death, you can't honestly think that I blame you for not doing it sooner," says Poe. 

Finn hesitates just long enough for them to know that yes, he does think that. 

Poe and Rey take a deep shuddery breath in perfect unison. Then they pull Finn into a tight hug.

Rey Feels the images start to overwhelm her but with the Finn and Poe to anchor her, it's easier to remember where she is. 

For a few moments, no one says anything.

"My parents always taught me to fight for what what right," says Poe finally. "They taught my that betrayal was the worst offense your could commit and I -" His voice wavers. "I don't know how to live with what I did."

"I sat back and watched as my troops opened fire on every person in that colony and I did nothing," says Finn softly. 

"I'm afraid that I'll become like him," says Rey. There is no need to ask who it is that she means. "I'm afraid that my family left me because they knew what I'd become."

All three of them are crying now. Rey burrows her face into Poe's neck and cries properly for the first time since the medics told her that Finn would live after the battle with Kylo Ren. She can feel Finn crying against her shoulder and Poe is holder her as tightly as she's holding him. 

When they're finally cried out, they stay there for a couple seconds longer before Ren works up the courage to speak.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she asks her voice soft and hesitant. 

Poe and Finn look at each other.

"I mean I don't have to," she says quickly. "I have a room and everything."

Finn smiles weakly.

"Rey," he says stopping her. 

Poe hold out his hand and she takes it.

"Welcome to the insomnia bed-sharing club," he says.

He flops down tugging her down with him. 

"Sleep tight," says Finn curling up on her other side.

"May the force be with you," whispers Rey as she closes her eyes and cuddles closer to the boys. 


End file.
